Last updated: December 31. 2013 1:16PM - 1221 Views
By - tcryar@civitasmedia.com



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Happy New Year to you and those you love, near and far. In observance of the day, we’re featuring this editorial, by our editor here at the Macon County Times.


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Picking a New Year’s Resolution


How do you choose a New Year’s resolution? It’s always been a haphazard decision for me in the past. I’ll start thinking about it about thirty minutes before the ball drops, while at a party where somebody brings up resolutions. So I end up with something totally impractical like “learn karate.”


This year, I’ve used a much more systematic process. I went to a .gov website that lists the top 10 resolutions made by Americans, and I went through them carefully to make my selection.


1. Lose weight. I would do this one, but I’ve read studies that diets are actually the worst way to lose weight because it makes you feel deprived and anxious. And if diets don’t do it, what does? It’s a mystery. Skip.


2. Volunteer to Help Others. This sounds nice except that I already feel pretty well-volunteered. I do things without being asked all the time: do laundry, wash my hair, help people reach things on a high shelf at Walmart. I think I’m set on this one, and anyway, we shouldn’t need a resolution to help us volunteer—we’re Tennesseans! Go Vol state.


3. Quit smoking. Doesn’t apply. Don’t smoke.


4. Get a better education. I hardly use the one I have. Pass.


5. Get a better job. We covered this last week—I have the job I want, so I dress for the job I already have (slippers at the office).


6. Save money. I am not a compulsive spender, and between my husband and I, we really tend more towards being tightwads. Maybe a better resolution here would be ‘give away money.’ But that’s also something you shouldn’t need a resolution for, and I’m trying to use the certified usa.gov list, so that’s out.


7. Get fit. I’m doing the best I can, okay? Get off my case, usa.gov. I go for walks. I lift a weight or three sometimes. I run a very satisfactory 12 minute mile.


9. Manage stress. This might be related to #5, but as we’ve already established, I am allowed to wear slippers at my office, so what could I possibly have to be stressed about?


10. Take a trip. Okay! Now this is something I can get behind! Let’s do it, usa.gov! I hereby resolve to take a trip in 2014. Where? Well, I don’t think I’ll get too specific about that. The wind could blow just about anywhere in a new year. Anywhere within a 3 hour radius that has a Motel 6 (#6), where I can pig out (#1), not smoke (#3), read a little (#4), walk around aimlessly (#7), spend a few hours in a homeless shelter (#2), and take a deep breath (#9). That’s right, usa.gov! I’ll conquer all of them in one weekend!


Here’s wishing you a happy 2014, and the fulfillment of all your lofty goals.

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