The story of when you first fell in love is probably a beautiful one that you could tell really well. You know where you were, what you were doing, and probably even what you were wearing; at least what he or she was wearing. It was a powerful moment. I know mine was. Although, let’s face it, when we say, “fall in love,” what we really mean is that a deep level of infatuation took us over when we saw THAT person. While we couldn’t sleep or eat for days and all we could do was think about him or her, it was not really love. You see this is part of the problem. We consider love too frivolously. How can what we feel in a magical moment carry us for fifty years? It can’t. This is why love must be taken more seriously and understood for what it is.

Marriage is worth every moment you spend on it in order to make it all that it can be. In general, married people enjoy better health, longer lives, more satisfying sex, more wealth, and children who do better emotionally and academically. Think living together is the answer? Think again. While the number of cohabiting couples has increased 1,000% since 1960, research demonstrates that living together is not helpful marriage preparation. Instead, the trends indicate that couples who cohabited prior to marriage actually have lower relationship satisfaction and increased risk of divorce. (Marriage & Family Wellness: Corporate America’s Business?, Turvey & Olson, 2006)

While love is not a hole we fall into, it is a place that we often work our way out of because of a lack of commitment. Think you’ll be happier with that other person? Think again. He or she has just as many (if not more) personal problems and annoyances as your current spouse. Think that other person will be pleasant in the morning? Think again. He may be just as grumpy. Think that other person won’t leave her towels on the floor? Think again. She may not pull the curtain in during her shower, leaving the floor completely wet.

You see, these are the things that drive us crazy but that can only be seen when living with someone and that are totally missed when you don’t. Stop focusing on the little things that bother you and start looking for and making the good. It will revolutionize your relationship.

[Dale Sadler is a family counselor with practices in White House & Red Boiling Springs, TN. Visit www.dalesadler.net or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment.]